Chronic stress is becoming an increasingly serious burden these days, and it’s more important than ever to have tools at your disposal to keep it in check. But as I’ve mentioned before, not everyone experiences stress in the same way. The only way to figure out what’ll really help you during stressful times, it helps to take a minute and truly understand where stress comes from. The causes may seem obvious on the surface (health, money, global events), but the true causes of chronic stress aren’t always as clear-cut as we think.
Understanding the Real Causes of Chronic Stress
Research usually refers to sources of stress with broad topics like “money,” “work,” “relationships,” and other life stressors like a move or new baby. And of course since 2020, world events are piling on to these stress levels, leading to an unprecedented toll on our lives.
But even though we associate these things with stress, just knowing that isn’t enough—we can’t exactly avoid money, work, life events, and world conditions. And since everyone experiences stress differently, it isn’t those things on their own that result in the feeling of stress.
Even though studies cite money as a top cause of stress, there’s clear evidence that people aren’t immune to stress just because they’re well off.”
For example, even though studies cite money as a top cause of stress, there’s clear evidence that people aren’t immune to stress just because they’re well off. Along the same lines, work can mean purpose and ambition for some, and dread and anxiety for others. So…what makes the difference?
Then Why Do We Suffer from Chronic Stress?
Sometimes it’s more helpful to explore the reasons why certain things make us stressed out. A lot of factors determine how different people might react to a situation, but there are certain conditions that are likely to cause a natural stress reaction in all of our brains. When we encounter these conditions, it’s natural to feel a jolt of nervous energy based on the brain’s inclination to protect us.
Being aware of some of these underlying factors can help us get ahead of potentially stressful situations. Then we can either prevent feelings of stress, or just be ready for them when they come up. Think of understanding stress like carrying an umbrella in your car. It can’t stop the rain from coming, but it helps make sure the rain doesn’t ruin your day.
1. Uncertainty
It’s our innate desire to protect ourselves, and countless physiological systems have evolved to help us do so. As part of that, us humans have a natural aversion to uncertainty. Historically, when we were able to reliably predict what’s going to happen next, we’d be better able to fend off danger. (Knowing there’s a hungry predator around the corner is better than not knowing what’s there. At least we can prepare to fight, or take another route.)
As a result, in uncertain situations, we’ll instinctively look for ways to exert control over the surroundings, to make things more predictable. This on its own isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But, the reality is, life will always throw curveballs, and there will always be situations we can’t control.
This inherent ongoing conflict is how stress creeps in. Life is full of events that we’d love to control, prevent, or predict, but we just can’t. (For example, pretty much all of 2020!) Unpredictable situations trigger a heightened level of underlying fear, even if only subconsciously.
Facing Uncertainty with Less Stress
Since uncertainty can be one of the biggest causes of chronic stress, it’s important to take note of where you have control and where you don’t. That stressful thing in your life: is it completely out of your hands? What can you do that is within your sphere of influence? Being aware of the difference is a big step towards surviving some of life’s most trying times.
2. Constant Vigilance
Modern life moves at a crazy fast pace. It requires quick thinking, round-the-clock availability, or unheard of levels of multi-tasking and competing priorities. Whether it’s work, family, or home responsibilities, we’re constantly bouncing from one high-priority item to the next. As a result, we live in a constant state of vigilance—managing so many things at once that we’re on constant high alert to handle whatever comes next.
The skills and energy of managing a fast-paced life are impressive, but they can take their toll. Like control, vigilance on its own is an important part of survival. The problem happens when we rarely—or never—turn it off. It all comes back to our fight or flight response.
For example, think about your favorite kung-fu hero: he just fought off a slew of surprise attackers and he’s looking around expecting the next villain to pop out of the shadows. He’s hyper-alert, adrenaline is pumping, and he’s ready to attack. Great for him, because he’s literally fighting for his life. Once the bad guys are gone, his system will go back to its non-stressed state.
This is how things are supposed to work: once the threat is gone, stress hormones subside, and the body goes back to a healthy resting state. But in modern life, our brains stay in the hyper-vigilant state for extended periods of time. We subconsciously react to every notification, email, or client call as a “threat” to be tackled. As a result, we endure long stretches in “fight or flight” mode. This is how a normally-helpful instant reaction can become one of the leading causes of chronic stress.
Looking Out for Symptoms of Hyper-Vigilance
The pace of modern life isn’t changing any time soon. Plus, there’s nothing inherently unhealthy about doing a lot of stuff. But it’s helpful to be aware of how we’re mentally approaching our fast-paced lifestyles.
Take a minute to observe yourself: When a new email or notification comes in, does your anxiety level spike with the need to tackle it right away? What about right after you finish something? Do you anxiously look for that next impending “threat”? This is how hyper-vigilance manifests in today’s lifestyle; and becomes one of the common causes of chronic stress.
The bottom line is, our daily responsibilities, however important, are rarely true life-or-death situations. But our subconscious thinks they are. Practice recognizing those tendencies as you take on your usual busy day. With a little practice and a few reassuring mantras, you can achieve the same level of performance, without the same level of stress.
3. Expectations
High expectations, for ourselves and others, don’t necessarily have to be stressful, and they can drive us to achieve great things. But when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, it can be a big source of stress, especially for driven, ambitious people.
In a way, this relates to our natural aversion to uncertainty. If we expect things to go a certain way, and they don’t, our natural stress response can activate as we struggle to reconcile the unexpected situation. When this happens day after day, it can be an ongoing cause of chronic stress.
How Expectations Can Lead to Chronic Stress
This shows up in modern-day life in a couple ways. First, we often set unrealistic expectations for ourselves in the spirit of “doing better.” Don’t get me wrong; it’s admirable to have ambitious goals. But it can be easy, in our performance-obsessed culture, to confuse goals with expectations. A goal is something we strive for; if it’s ambitious enough, there’s a chance we won’t get there. But we can’t necessarily expect that all our goals will be met.
Especially in such a challenging time, if we expect ourselves to excel at work, raise perfect kids, be the best in our sport, have an insta-worthy social life…and be really good at everything else, it’s inevitable those won’t all happen. By holding those “high standards,” we’ve set ourselves up for the constant stress of not measuring up.
Secondly, we commonly set unrealistic expectations for others, usually without even realizing it. Think about the classic example of someone cutting you off on the highway. How easily does this raise your blood pressure and make you just a little bit grumpier? In essence, you’re annoyed because you expect the other drivers to be just as courteous as you are.
Similarly, do you expect your kids to pick up their toys when you ask? Do you expect your coworkers to finish their part of your project on time? These all might be totally rational expectations. But again, we can never guarantee that others will meet our expectations.
Keep Expectations in Check to Reduce Chronic Stress
When we’re driven to excellence in our lives, that mentality can creep into all aspects of our day, until we expect ourselves and everyone around us to do everything at an expert level.
While it’s definitely noble to have high standards, it can also set us up for constant feelings of disappointment. Keeping a close eye on what we really expect of ourselves and others can be a clue to taming the chronic stress in our lives.
Awareness Makes All the Difference
Uncertainty, hyper-vigilance, and high expectations are unavoidable in modern, fast-paced life. But by being aware of our evolutionary history and natural responses, we can take control of whether these things ultimately lead to chronic stress.
Take a few minutes now to think about what brings on stress in your life. What triggers stress for you? What’s your natural reaction? If you can’t control the situation, are there ways you can control how you feel while responding to it? Chances are, you have more power than you know to reduce the stress in your wonderfully busy, ambitious life.
Next: Some unexpected truths about stress to weaken its hold on your day.
